Articles

Twelfth Night

In Uncategorized on January 6, 2011 by grahamharrowell

When Arlo Guthrie was accused of dumping a heap of rubbish for Alice’s Restaurant he tried to deny it. When Officer Obie told him that he’d found a piece of paper with Guthrie’s name and address on it hidden beneath the rubbish, Arlo said he’d admit sliding the piece of paper under the garbage but that was all. Nobody believed him.

The season of good cheer having run its course I bagged up the Nordman fir. It had been in the hot dry atmosphere too long and was beginning to shed. I took it outside and left it at the appointed place for collection by the dustmen. Later in the day, on my way back from the bakers, I noticed that it had been joined by the remains of a pallet, a packing case and some cardboard packaging. This seemed to fit in with the hammering and drilling that had been going on upstairs all morning.

Around teatime the doorbell rang. It was the Blockleiter. Was that my rubbish outside? “Er, no.” “But the christmas tree bears a remarkable resemblance to yours.” “OK, the christmas tree is mine but someone else put the other rubbish on top of it, Officer Obie.” It doesn’t sound convincing does it?

I appealed to her sense of reason. I asked whether she’d looked carefully at the packaging. “There’s me, the lady who keeps the dress shop, the young student, the lawyer’s secretary and the retired couple who live in this block. Do you think one of us has taken delivery of a large item marked “Radiation Hazard” and “Danger Radioactive”? Do we look like the kind of people who get parcels with panels on the front which indicate if the contents are leaking radio activity?” Clearly, we do. “Or do you think it’s the dental surgery on the 3rd floor, where they do X-rays and whence the sound of hammering and drilling has been coming all day?” Well, it seems that the hammering and drilling must have been no worse than on any other normal day of dental practice. Still, I think I got off with a warning. I’m certain she didn’t believe me.

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